Category niger

Farewell to Arms

Goodbye Africa.  Here’s to the sweat-soaked hankerchiefs and straw hats, the unending heat, the ubiquitous dirt.  Here’s to mud brick houses and tea over coals.  Here’s to hours spent sitting and saying almost nothing.  Here’s to simplicity.  Here’s to laughter and abandon.

With you I learned to cut a chicken’s throat and cook it.  With you I lay under the divinest of rains.  Enclosed by your heat and wrapped in my isolation, I spilled a lifetime of tears on your soil.  You taught me patience, though I was an unwilling pupil.  You stripped me bare, though I always sought thick skin.  With you I found poetry in life.

I went to find poverty and pain, and you showed me community and laughter.  I went to pay hommage, and you showed me my narcissism.  I went to learn, and you showed me how to love.

Oh how I hated you, when everywhere I walked the color of my skin made me different, when the heat bade insanity to creep slowly up my spine, when I felt my wasted life ticking by in innumerable seconds.

And oh how I loved you, when you let me harvest rice, when children actually came to class, when at last you told me I understood.

I’m sorry for my sudden partings.  So much of my work was undone so quickly in those moments.  How do you still welcome us when we only ever leave you to your fate or make a bad mess worse with our meddling?

You broke me, my dear Africa.  You broke the careful consructions and left me only with a handful of heat-softened pieces.

Now I have to rebuild, and I find the dust of your desert ground into me, inseparable.  My wounds bleed and my triumphs are lined red with your soil.  I carry away from you new weaknesses and new strengths.

So this is goodbye, dear Africa, but this is not goodbye forever.

A Near-Final Chapter

The last couple of weeks have been truly chaotic.  Almost exactly two weeks ago two men were kidnapped from a bar in Niamey, Niger.  The bar is close to volunteer houses and to the hostel.  In the first days following we were given a curfew but otherwise heard little.  It is now apparent that Peace Corps Washington was busy during those days conferring on what to do.  They decided to evacuate Niger, and  I received a call at work Wednesday morning telling me to pack two bags and that I would be leaving in the next two days.

The resulting race to be ready by the time our flight left was a whirlwind.  I rushed to say goodbye, see people I needed to see, close my bank account (and the hostel account), give away things from my house, see someone from my village, and pack my two bags.  Evidence of the muddled hurry is given by the things that I decided to pack.  A sealed package of Earl Grey tea.  Another package of tea.  Random other things.  I slept 5 hours in three days, like many volunteers not sleeping at all on the night before we left.

We left with a security detail early in the morning, and were stunned by the green beauty of Moroccan fields.  In our sleep-deprived minds everything was new and vibrant.  We arrived at a very nice hotel and promptly had to sit through a ‘cross-culture’ session on Morocco, which, while normally interesting, seemed only barely relevant to us at the time.

Then we started a transfer conference, in which 97 volunteers struggled to figure out what they would like to do in the midst of being ripped from their old life.

The week has involved tears from almost everyone.  We wander through the halls desperately trying to finish what needs to be finished, to claw out some tiny island of stability into the sudden emptiness of our lives, but lost and fragile, at times staring into the distance or laughing all too loudly.  So little is in our control.

In the end I was offered two possible posts, one to Rwanda and one back to Guinea.  In both cases the time commitment desired is more than I feel I can give, so I have decided to COS and head home.

It is a decision fraught with fear of the irrevocable nature of leaving Peace Corps.  It is a decision full of the sudden tearing away of my life in Niger.  It is a decision with a vast wasteland of future plans.  This can be liberating, but also sad.

I am truly grateful for the support of everyone throughout the past couple of weeks.  Please forgive me if I have seemed distant, I have been too drained to really talk about much.

As of tomorrow I will no longer be a Peace Corps Volunteer.  I will stay in Morocco for a few days, and then I am off to Spain and Portugal..

I’ll have a few more posts about Peace Corps related things, but for the most part, this chapter of my life is finished.

Christmas 2010

Christmas this year involved a mustache, a clutch, and egg cheese bacon croissants.  My Christmas present was a little leather box.  I gave away some locally made perfume from the Diffa region, which is far East.

A man can spend the day in fur-lined red Christmas shorts, a Christmas hat and a tank top and not realizes he looks completely ridiculous until he sees pictures of himself.  Those pictures are on facebook now, much as I detest facebook.  Flickr has limited my photo account so I can’t really put pictures up on my blog anymore with much ease (though I’m looking into other solutions).

I made apple pie, which is become trademark.  I’m losing interest in it.  I also watched David (from Guinea!) make eggnog, which, not surprisingly, consists of a crap-load of eggs, some whipped cream, and whatever alcohol you desire.  We used rum.

I had a good old time, staying up late, getting up early, and generally wearing myself out.  We played some of our astonishingly small number of board games.  I won and lost at scrabble.

So yeah, David, a volunteer from my time in Guinea, was here over the weekend, and we went to see the giraffes the day after Christmas.  It was a lot of fun.  Better was the time we got to spend just chatting.  It’s been a while since I’ve been able to hang out with a guy and just talk about life.  I think Eric’s visit this past summer was the last time.  The proportion of male to female volunteers in Niger is a little ridiculous, so it is more difficult than you might think.

Peace Corps Christmas is always a homey affair, full of wonderful smells, good hugs, and lots of tomfoolery.  The best meal was by far the eggplant parmesan, courtesy of Katelyn.  I drank eggnog and once again engaged in some emergency plumbing.  You find all kinds of foul things unclogging pipes.

Still, a Peace Corps Christmas is always lacking something.  Maybe it’s just snow.  But more, I think it’s a sense of warmth that you just don’t really get in a place that doesn’t feel like home.  Home for me conjures images of specific friends and family.  At Christmas is also conjures a warm light cast by a fire and the smell of a pine tree.  Thus do our childhoods weave themselves into the rest of our lives, not unlike verb-tense when writing a story, actually.

I end this year much as I ended last year: with the need to be like iron.  Only this year a cold brittle iron has been replaced by iron that is tempered by the warmth of my people: those who I would go to the ends of the earth for, and who would return the favor.  You are my foundation.  Thanks for that.

The adventure continues in 2011.

Balance

Balance is one of those funny things that you can never get quite right.  We are always falling in way or another.  When new we fall with our bodies.  Low to the ground, we tumble along in a chaotic mess.  Soon we are falling in a controlled chaos that we call walking.

When we get good enough at walking, we start falling with our heart.  We fall in and out of love, bruising metaphoric knees and elbows.  Over time we get better, maybe, but like walking we never really get good at it.

So we construct scaffolds to hold the broken parts together, we use ice to cool the bruised pieces.  We add more boards to weather the weather.

Inflexible, we lumber on our way working hard to balance an increasingly unwieldy load.

Eventually we can’t tell so much whether whispering suspicions come from our intuition or our scaffold.  The scaffold becomes a jailer.  It keeps us balanced.  But it does so by making it impossible to fall.

It would be nice, I think, to let the badly constructed fortress fall off my back.  It would suffice.

But the whispering suspicions prove again to be intuition, and instead I add more wood and ice.

Happy Go Lucky

There are certain benefits to being a transfer volunteer. You start out new and interesting and you get to do things a little bit differently from everyone else. Unfortunately, you also tend to be forgotten.

My close of service date doesn’t match up with any group of volunteers coming through, so I tend to be left out of important things like, oh say, visa renewal. I realized the other day that my visa expired sometime around a year after I entered the country, which was back in the beginning of November. Surely they keep on top of that, I thought. But I better ask just in case. I asked and they assured me that they had, but when I asked to see it, it turns out my visa had expired over a week prior.  They hurriedly got to work.

Later I noticed my ID was going to expire (as of yesterday in fact).  When I asked for a new one they said they couldn’t just send one to be renewed, it had to be as part of a group and they had already sent the new stage’s ID requests in.

Great.  So the next eight months I’ll walk around with an expired ID because you can’t just make one?  Seriously? Yep, seriously.  ”Maybe they can make a temporary one,” they said, with a sort of ‘please leave me alone’ dismissive air.  I hope I don’t get asked for ID at any of the checkpoints…

Peace Corps offices seem to have a sort of ‘happy go lucky’ approach.  Site preparation requirements?  More like optimistic recommendations.  ”It isn’t a problem if the volunteer will be flooded in six months out of the year because we’ve already invested time and money in this site and one of the staff has family there,” I’ve heard they have said (I know, I know, rumors).  ’Tech training that prepares you for work at site’ is in reality ‘topics so general you could think of them on your own.’

I shouldn’t be too harsh.  Sometimes things work so haphazardly.  If Peace Corps wasn’t flexible on site requirements they probably wouldn’t be able to fit all the volunteers in a site.  But then again, that says to me we should have less volunteers, not that we should start being flexible on site requirements.

Flexibility is a word on a pedestal for Peace Corps.  Unfortunately it tends to mean, ‘accept whatever you have because we aren’t going to change it unless you get assaulted or robbed,’ rather than just that you should have patience and try not to have too many expectations.

I don’t rant often about the bureau these days.  I like everyone that works there.  They generally do a good job and they care about what they are doing.  But visas and IDs are not the kind of thing that you are ‘happy go lucky’ with.  I’ve been turned away from the hostel because the guard misread my ID and thought it had expired.  In adjacent countries (admittedly not here) I’ve been almost arrested for not having a valid ID.  Happy go lucky works until something goes wrong, and then everything that you’ve been cavalier with comes back to bite you in the ass.

Also, yesterday I went for a camel ride into the bush.  It was a lot of fun.  No photos though.  I didn’t bring my camera, sorry.

Copyright © zot in Niger
bush camels

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