Believe it or not, I am still in the capital with medical problems. Nothing is threatening and it seems like we are just trying to mop up the pieces, but I am frustrated to not be back at site (its been almost a month!) and nearly all the other volunteers have left, so not a lot is happening.
I woke up this morning in a foul mood, one apparently shared by several other people at the hostel. There is some sort of identity shift that happens when I am with Americans versus in my village or en ville by myself. I suppose that transition is always a little weird, and even weirder when I am occupying the space between those two identities. The result is being unsettled and uneasy.
I remember having a moment of fear in village wondering if I was going to come to like Niger so much that I wouldn’t want to return, or that when I did return I wouldn’t like living in the states anymore. I think the readjustment process is going to kick my butt. Its sort of an irrational fear, but I do like my life and my friends and family in the states and don’t want to really give that up even if I come to love being in Niger so much that I also don’t want to go back.
Which is to say that you sort of develop two lives during your service, and each of them is you, but also different, and sometimes I wonder if I am going to finish and be stuck somewhere in the middle, not well suited for either.
Along those lines, a week ago I passed my one year mark as a volunteer, and that has me reflecting on the amazing fact that I have actually been a volunteer for a year. (Remember all the complaining about how I didn’t know how I was going to last that long? Now I am wondering where the time went.) It also has me feeling like I have done nothing of value, and while I know that I have the world’s best excuse, in that I was evacuated from my first country, I still wish I could look back and point to some successfully completed projects. Lesson leared: do things early while you can. There are several projects that I have ready to kick off when i get back to village, but now I am on med hold and seem to not be able to actually get back there.
Worse, even when I do get back events will be conspiring to make my time short. We have further trainings, arrivals of new volunteers, vacations, visits, and possible new jobs, all of which I am excited about and looking forward to, but which take away from the suddenly seemingly short amount of time I have left in my village (Though I might extend through August so I can finish my service with the stage I have joined). This duopoly or polyopoly of feeling seems to be a recurring theme for much of my life here.
To recap my medical issues, last Tuesday I left In Service Training (IST) early because I had a staph infection in my upper lip, and it had swollen rather dramatically. We began IV antibiotic treatments that day, and those continued for three days. At the end of that I was on oral antibiotics and will continue those until they have run their course. The infection was subsequently reduced with no problems (they may have crazy super bugs in Niger, but we also have crazy super drugs).
The complication came from one of the IVs, which for unknown reasons caused a lot of pain and swelling in my arm, such that my right arm has been rather immobile until a couple of days ago. To counter that I was eventually put on steroids, and to counter potential clotting and get things moving, have been on blood thinners for a couple of days. That will continue for a few more days and then barring anything else, I will be heading back home to village.
