Today was the fete, the day after the month of Ramadan ends and everyone celebrates by eating a lot of food and dancing. Good times were had by all. Things are continuing to improve with my family and my projects are going well.
But for all that, I seem to be facing some hard lessons, some of which I think I am only starting to glimpse. I think a long time ago I wasn’t being the kind of person I wanted to be, and while I’ve made some big steps, making the steps was only a part of it, I had some owning up to do to myself and others. All of that is good, but I’m left with the sense that I’m only beginning to glimpse the deeper aspects. It has something to do with how I treat other people in general and how I look at myself. I think I used to have a warmth that, while not gone, has gone progressively further underground. I need to do some thinking about how I act and how my words and actions affect others. And I think I’ve been aware of it for several years, but no one wants to think of himself as becoming less sensitive and more harsh. I like to think that as the years go by I learn more and become better, not that I become more defensive and closed off.
Perhaps now that adjusting to Peace Corps in Guinea has eased up there is space to think and feel about these things. I expected my service to be a forging of the soul, to be a learning experience not only about life and culture and society but also about myself, but a lot of my service has been largely about personal struggles. Maybe all of life ultimately reduces to something like that, but the extent is surprising.
On a different note, there has been a rather gross smell in my house for the last several days, and tonight I finally realized it was something dead, and found a small lizard under my bed. A nice present from my cat, who loves to catch and play with lizards, but doesn’t actually like to eat them. I am travelling a lot in the next few weeks, and I’m worried she is going to have her babies while I am gone. We have girls conference in a few days, and then a 10k race in Dabola, and then a week in Conakry to do my quarterly report and research travel plans and law school stuff.
