Fallout

I haven’t heard much on the english news (dang the BBC), but lots of things are flying around, and things seem to be slowly heading somewhere, though I don’t really know where. To begin with, many shops in Faranah are closed today, perhaps because apparently today and tomorrow have been declared days of mourning for the 160 or more deaths that I am hearing about, or perhaps in anticipation of increasing unrest. In Mamou shops are closed and protestors and the military were in the market this morning doing a dance. Other cities seem quiet, except maybe Labe, but I don’t have any details about that. We are still on Alert status, which basically doesn’t mean anything except that we should call to check in every two days.

The 10k race in Dabola has been cancelled on account of wanting to keep volunteers from having to travel through Mamou. Apparently there are additional protests scheduled for Friday and so it is best to have volunteers not travelling. We are all very bummed about that, but hopefully it will happen on its rescheduled November date.

Walking around as things seem to be falling down here, it occurs to me that my impression of this kind of chaos is that it happens suddenly, and so I expect it to go directly from the nothing that was Monday morning to complete civil unrest. But actually these things involve somewhat slowly, taking days as different sides waver, apologize, mount protests and offensives to protests, and generally just make a lot of hubbub. So it isn’t at all an instant change from tranquility to chaos. I have been thinking that perhaps I only thought it might be because we hear about things only when they reach the chaos stage, and we don’t hear much about it in the days and weeks leading up to it, so it seems very sudden.

Anyway, actually life in Faranah is continuing much on the same pace. There do seem to be less people on the streets than usual, and many shops are closed, but whether that is the day of mourning or fear of unrest I don’t know. But my entreprenurial group met today as usual, and I saw no indications of violence or unrest while I was en ville. In fact if I wasn’t in contact with other volunteers I would have no idea what was going on.

But the closed shops are a pain. I am out of razor blades and can’t get a newspaper. I know, I know, major trials and all that.

So my trip to Dabola for the race and my trip to Conakry have been cancelled, so I will have to find another way of getting things put together and applying to law school and doing whatever else I have in mind. It is too bad, because this trip was supposed to be a major research trip as too a lot of different things, and now most of that will have to wait. Not to mention I have cleared my schedule for the next week and a half because I thought I was going to be doing all this other stuff. What to do in the meantime? I am sorely tempted to hole up with Tai Pan and Noble House by James Clavell, but that way lies depression and boredom, so instead I am going to rustle up some other plans. There is a cultural fair here the 7th through the 10th, and that might be cool.

Update on Protests

Just to give you an update, at latest count, according to some news sources, at least 157 people were killed in the protests that happened on Monday. Volunteers are not on “lockdown” (whatever that is) but we are on alert, which means we have to call in every couple of days to keep up to date. There are whisperings of additional protests to take place in the following days, all of which amounts to a certain craziness, but that should not be taken to mean anything dangerous for your particular volunteer, especially if she or he is in a tiny village.

All of this comes at a bad time, when I was going to be doing lots of planning and applying to schools, but it is interesting to watch. It is of course the topic on everyone’s lips, and it remains to be seen how the military will react to it and the people will react to them, etc…

I will try to update on Thursday unless something really crazy happens tomorrow, in which case I will do my best to let you know. For now, relax and watch the news. Rumors are flying fast and furious also, so don’t believe everything you hear.

Girl’s Conference and News Update

First, let me say that though you may have seen news reports about deaths in Conakry and other bad things, in Faranah things remain calm, though people are rather upset about it. I have been hearing rumors of some general unrest in other cities like Mamou and Labe, but up till now I am not sure what exactly is happening outside of Conakry.

What I have heard is that there was a protest planned yesterday, but that the president made protesting illegal and so the military broke it up, resulting in many deaths and wounded, including wounding at least two (or three?) of the presidential candidates. The BBC said that Dadis has said the deaths are a result of some soldiers who got out of hand. He has yet to declare himself a candidate yet though. There are some news articles here and here.

All of this is to say that I am certainly safe (I learned of the deaths on bbc radio just like some of you), and that most other volunteers are in no danger whatsoever. I was planning on making a trip to Conakry soon, but at the moment travel to Conakry is restricted to emergencies only, so I may be delaying it. We will see. I am still going to Dabola for the 10k race though, unless that also gets cancelled (unlikely).

So girl’s conference was a huge success. At least I thought so. The volunteers organizing it did a fantastic job and the teachers, who are volunteers at a Guinean ONG, were amazing and really good at getting the girls involved in the sessions. We had sessions on STIs, HIV, early marriage, social roles of women, the importance of education, and other topics along those lines.

The girl I really wanted to go was 12, and I think she had a good time, though she was so quiet I doon’t really know. But I also brought two other girls as her companions, and they were the bad students of the conference. They skipped classes, snuck off campus, and were mean to some of the really young girls that other volunteers had brought. So that was emberassing.

But it gave me some good ideas about who I want to take to next year’s conference and the work I would like to do with them when the conference is over in terms of having them present to their classmates or friends.

Also, I discovered this afternoon during a rainstorm that my cat loves my harmonica. As soon as I start playing it she joins in meowing, and soon she is on my lap nudging the harmonica and biting my hand, all the while continuing to harmonize. At least I think she loves it. Maybe she hates it and she is trying to get me to stop.

Lessons

Today was the fete, the day after the month of Ramadan ends and everyone celebrates by eating a lot of food and dancing. Good times were had by all. Things are continuing to improve with my family and my projects are going well.

But for all that, I seem to be facing some hard lessons, some of which I think I am only starting to glimpse. I think a long time ago I wasn’t being the kind of person I wanted to be, and while I’ve made some big steps, making the steps was only a part of it, I had some owning up to do to myself and others. All of that is good, but I’m left with the sense that I’m only beginning to glimpse the deeper aspects. It has something to do with how I treat other people in general and how I look at myself. I think I used to have a warmth that, while not gone, has gone progressively further underground. I need to do some thinking about how I act and how my words and actions affect others. And I think I’ve been aware of it for several years, but no one wants to think of himself as becoming less sensitive and more harsh. I like to think that as the years go by I learn more and become better, not that I become more defensive and closed off.

Perhaps now that adjusting to Peace Corps in Guinea has eased up there is space to think and feel about these things. I expected my service to be a forging of the soul, to be a learning experience not only about life and culture and society but also about myself, but a lot of my service has been largely about personal struggles. Maybe all of life ultimately reduces to something like that, but the extent is surprising.

On a different note, there has been a rather gross smell in my house for the last several days, and tonight I finally realized it was something dead, and found a small lizard under my bed. A nice present from my cat, who loves to catch and play with lizards, but doesn’t actually like to eat them. I am travelling a lot in the next few weeks, and I’m worried she is going to have her babies while I am gone. We have girls conference in a few days, and then a 10k race in Dabola, and then a week in Conakry to do my quarterly report and research travel plans and law school stuff.

Plans and Dreams

Internet has been down for several days, which is being frustrating, but fortunately happened at about the same time that I got fed up trying to look at law school web sites on a shaky dial up connection, and so I am trying not to pay too much attention to it.

I don’t think I received any new bites last night, so I’m hoping my application of insecticide and airing of my mattress were sufficient to take care of bed bugs. I don’t have a lot of hope though.

I turn 30 in four months. I am having a hard time being motivated about anything. I just finished reading a non-fiction book by John Grisham title “The Innocent Man.” The main character takes a long time to give up on his dreams of being a baseball star, and it has me thinking about my dreams and how I tend to deal with the realization that they most likely won’t be fulfilled. I guess I’ve gone through stages of that, from the less realistic dreams of achieving enlightenment or being a martial arts master or a computer hacker (ah high school) to the still unrealistic but at least possible dreams of teaching Aikido, being a good ultimate frisbee player, and having one of those marriages where they still love each other after 60 years.

My dreams now have morphed into “plans,” and plans have to be more concrete and realistic. They include provisions for a career that I think will be meaningful and engaging, for encouraging continued writing, and for a happy (if not perfect) family. But so far I haven’t completely given up on what might be called dreams, and I am starting to wonder if my dreams are interfering in my ability to be happy in reality. Is exchanging dreams for plans just something that happens as you get older? You can’t live your life in dreams, but you can’t live it in drudgery either. But it does seem like it can pass by while you are too busy thinking about dreams or drudgery.

All of this pondering is, in some sense, just the useless spinning of wheels. Bringing things back to here and now is important, especially in the erie suspension that is Peace Corps. But its also important to have a sense of getting somewhere. That is hard to do when plans go haywire because you don’t really know where you are going. Perhaps where you are going isn’t as important as we tend to think it is, but I haven’t really adjusted to that cultural reality yet, if I ever will.

Or I am just finally shifting from spending too much mental energy on life after Peace Corps to thinking about the here and now, and so all that planning seems sort of unnecessary now.

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