zot in Niger bush camels

I found out the other day that I have internet, so this is my first post that I am writing on my laptop to post from the internet cafe. Its not really a cafe, being more like a tiny building with two computers on a desk. For 5.000 FG an hour, I can use the internet. Hopefully it is fast. I will try to get on once a week or so to post some stuff.

Anyway, I had a visit from some volunteers and from the Country Director the other day, and we met with my organization and he gave me some Kudos bars, which I promptly devoured (I tried to save one for a rainy day but ate it within five minutes of the other one).

I’m in the middle of my second week at sight now, and it feels like each day is only getting harder. If the whole of my service was like this I would never make it the whole two years. I put my hope in that everyone says it gets better after the first three months. During these first three months I am supposed to do an Etude de Mileu, which is like a community study. Today I started thinking about how I wanted to present the information, and its not unlike the work I used to do for BBER. It always helps to consider how you want to present what you learn before you start, because then you can fine tune your questions and how you go about it. It sucks to reach the end of a project and wish you had asked another question that would have been really interesting.

My basic idea is that I want to present my results as a sort of probability continuom. This will be interesting for a few different reasons, namely that getting good information is hard in Guinea. For example, Guineans like to say yes to things you say, especially if they don’t know the answer. You can imagine how this might skew any surveys. Also, there is no real verifiable numerical data for a lot of things, so I expect a wide range of answers to demographic questions and other data that can be condensed to numerical form. I think it will be fun to present the population, age distribution, and ethnic distributions as probabilities rather than numbers. Then there is the more physical stuff, which I’m going to map out as best I can, and have other people map out for me. For the economy, I want to approach it from two ways. The first is the production chain for some common items, such as oranges and peanuts. If possible I’d like to get prices at each stage, which should show som measure of profit margins. My suspicion is that the ladies who peel oranges and sell them aren’t exactly making much. The second is from the viewpoint of a regional economic model, looking at what money comes in and what money goes out, and why, and how the production of different items are related. Lastly, I want to look at NGOs in Faranah. From what I can tell so far, they are a big source of money in the city, and I’d love to have some kind of geneology chart that shows the funding relationship between different organizations. In my short time here I’m aware of more than eight organizations alone, and I know there are many more.

When I can be focused on that kind of thing, my time here seems easier. Indeed, nothing in particular is bad, and I’ve lucked out in several ways at my site. I am contending with both a leaking roof and a rat, and ants that will stop at nothing, but those are not unusual issues in life. Indeed from what I can tell, the real trouble is that I simply do not yet feel comfortable here, and that is something that will only change with time and determined effort. I will continue to make two liters of tea every two days, and use my awesome thermos to keep it warm, and drink it with powdered milk and honey. It is the tiny picture and the grand picture that keeps me going, while everything in between is more difficult than I imagined.

Day 1

As you can see from my previous post, my first night at site went well. I spent a while laying in my bed listening to music and wondering what the hell I was doing, but I never felt bad. Today I was overwhelmed by how much I needed and wanted to do, and often felt like I was getting nothing done. I had to struggle to overcome the desire to stay in my house and lay in bed. But looking back on the day now, I feel like I got a ton of things done. I met with the Authorities in the morning, and then had an egg sandwich with a couple of other volunteers who were about to be installed. Then I went back to the house and made a list of chose I wanted to by, and pondered that for a while. When I finally worked up the nerve I went to the marche, but first I went out and bought bidons for my drinking water. Then I bought a ton of stuff I need for my day to day living, comme: buckets, goblets, a plastic teapot (I am going to choose the water method before it chooses me), plates, forks, spoons, and a big metal bowl. I got all that for 60,000 FG, talked down from 66,000. Not a lot of a discount but a little. When I got home I immediately felt like I had just done something monumental and I had barely done anything.

I have a friend here from Cote d’Ivoire who was going to be done with school at 14:00 and would help me, but it was only 11:00, so I gave in to the temptation to lay in bed for a while. But around 1:00 I managed to make myself leave again, this time with my backpack and the intention of buying stuff to fix my door (it needed to be rehung and the lock replaced). I wandered around for a while before I found a hardware vendor I liked, and then bought hinges, a lock, a hammer, and 12 nails for 31,500 FG, talked down from 40,000 FG, not too shabby. I also bought sheets for my bed, and I still think I paid too much for them, but I talked the guy down from 80,000 FG to 50,000 FG for two sheets and two pillow cases (for my non-existent pillows).

For some reason I dreaded actually taking the door down to replace the hinges, and in the middle of doing so I found out why. First I had to really struggle to get the nails out of the hinges, and probably did some structural damage to my Gerber in the process. I finally got them, and then promptly broke the handle of my new hammer (evil guinean hammer with a drop forged head made in the USA). And during all of this I had a naked two year old running around and a few other kids standing in my doorway watching me. I’m trying to keep people from peering in my house and maybe seeing stuff to steal, at least until I get all the valuables hidden away, so this was a big failure. But eventually I got everything working and my door now closes and locks smoothly.

I was running low on water at this point, hadn’t eaten lunch and had no food, and had no pots to cook anything even if I did have it, so I headed back to the marche for a fourth time. This time around was more relaxed, and I just bought some soap, an avocado, some garlic, and a loaf of bread. The bidons have vegetable oil in them, so I had to was them before I could fill them with what will be my drinking water. To do this, you shave some soap into the bidon, fill a little with rocks and with water, and shake vigorously. I hope it worked. Then I headed off to the forage (pump) with Cisse (my friend from the Cote d’Ivoire) and we lugged the two bidons back to my house. Along the way I met a colunteer from a different country, I think France, who lives about 10 seconds away from me.

I concluded my public life by eating my avocado and bread on the steps of my house, which I are already living up to my hopes. Inside, I set up my gas stove and my water filter, and then checked that the awesome system I rigged for my mosquito net works, and put on my sheets.

About the mosquito net. My bed takes up more than a quarter of my living space, so naturally having a net hanging above it all the time is imposiing. I put a couple of ropes along the ceiling running parallel to the head and foot of the bed, and attached two corners of my mosquito net to key rings, and attached the key rings to the ropes, so that I can slide the whole net over against the wall during the day very easily. It works like a charm. If I get motivated I might take some pictures.

Anyway, that didn’t seem like a lot until I started reflecting on it. Tomorrow I want to get a bunch of stuff done also, including: order a screen door, put stuff away in my trunk, and organize everything else, buy pots and pans, a lantern, and petrol for the lantern, and get a screen to filter the gallon of honey my counterpart gave me (its filled with bees). If I do all that and get some food, I’ll be pretty happy. Oh yeah, I also want to buy some calabashes (bowls made from giant squash) in three sizes and string them together like a hanging fruit basket. Its excellent for keeping away the ants and mice.
Oh yeah, and I want a kitty, there is one at my family’s house that is tres cute.

Day 2

Today I ate four oranges, three bananas, about six tablespoons of peanut butter, and a loaf of french bread. I made two banana peanut butter sandwiches with that stuff. I also drank tons of water, and am still drinking tons of water. I’m not sure why I am so thirsty. I think actually that I need some kind of protein or vitamin or something, but I’m not sure what it is. I can’t wait till I can cook. Tomorrow I intend to remedy that problem.

This morning I went to the market with my friend and we ordered a screen door and a screen for my window. It was a long process, involving buying the screen and the fixtures, and then discuteing the price. We started at 80,000 FG and got it down to 50,000 FG, which is pretty good I think. That process took more than two hours, so when we were finished we came back to the house to rest. Later we went out again to try and buy a lamp and petrol, bleach, and a broom, but came back empty handed. I guess I’m getting down to the hard to find items.

I also moved in some, and we washed my clothes. He is very good at washing, much better than my host family, and my clothes actually smell clean. He didn’t let me do much except rinse the clothes though. I’ve unpacked a lot, and I floated the idea of changing my bed and removing the armoire, both of which seem possible, so I’m pretty happy about that. If I can get that done, and then also get a bookshelf and a counter made, I will be all set with my major furniture and decorating. I still want to paint, but that will probably happen later.

As for how I’m feeling, I guess I’m good, though I’m less satisfied with my progress today and I’m getting really sick of not being able to make food. That will be priority number one tomorrow. Still, I’m feeling pretty good, and I’m definitely starting to make friends with the local kids, and with the women, who think its hilarious when I speak to them in malinke.

The well here is already basically dry, and I’ve been told we still have three months until the rains come, so I don’t know what people are going to do about water. It seems crazy. This morning we got water for bathing from the pump, which is more of a walk and is sort of unnecessary, but with the wells running dry it may be like that for a while. I hope the pump doesn’t break during the next few months.

It is a constant battle to tell myself not to expect too much. I’ve spent at least a few hours laying around in the two days I’ve been at site, and I associate that with being bummed out. I’m not actually feeling bad, but I think the adjustment is big and so it takes a toll. Just dealing with so many sensory changes makes me more tired. I’m excited for the time when my life will take on a semblance of normality here. Hopefully that happens sooner rather than later. I can’t expect myself to move in with the same speed as I might in the US, or to be very outgoing, or to get tons of work done right now. If I remember that, then I’m fine, but if I start to feel like I’m not doing anything, my attitude goes a little south.

I think kids are a voluneer’s saving grace, at least in the beginning, because they are so friendly and happy to talk to you. Adults are friendly too, but they are also more busy.

Tomorrow I also need to buy a surge protector. I seem to have current for a couple hours each day, and I need to be able to charge my laptop and batteries.

Day 3

Today has been a significant struggle. I spent most of it at the marche and working with the carpenter, who didn’t do such a good job on the door, and the screen is totally wrong. Also I’ve been nauseous all day, and its getting worse. It doesn’t help that I haven’t really eaten well since I got here. There are some highlights, like that I got some pots this morning and made myself some tea, and that a volunteer came into town and we got to hang out a little bit. But overall I’m pretty bummed out. I don’t like being sick, and I really don’t like being sick alone in my house, and I really really don’t want to have to wake up at 6am tomorrow so that I can accompany my younger counterpart’s brother to his work. I might skip out if I still feel this way.

I want more private time, but its really difficult to get that here. There is not really a concept of privacy in Guinea, and it is impossible to get more than an hour or two to myself without someone coming by to ask me something. Its well intentioned, so I don’t get upset, but hopefully that will slow down.

So anyway, about the door, apparently if the screen door is on the outside it will get stolen, so tomorrow I have to maybe get a carpenter to come and switch the doors so the screen door is on the inside. That means that if I want my door open it will be open swinging out, which is okay I guess. I haven’t decided if I want to do that and if I want to pay the extra money for that. I might just risk the thief.

Speaking of money, I seem to have a lot left, but I’ve spent way beyond my moving in allowance at this point, so anything I spend now has to come out of my living and travel allowances for the next three months. I don’t think that will be a problem, as I seem to be only spending a small amount each day for living expenses, but I’d hate to run out of money before the next pay period. If you ask me the moving allowance is far too small. It was nearly taken up completely by the stove and gas, and with a cell phone there was very little left over.

Anyway, I’m in the dumps, but if I can suffer through tomorrow, I think Sunday will be a day of rest, and Monday I will walk around and salue people, and then Tuesday I am going to Kissidougou to open a bank account and buy some chose, and generally hang out. There is a volunteer there that we will visit.

Hopefully tomorrow is a little nicer.

Day 4

Today turned out to be much nicer. I woke up to a flat tire, so I ended up not going anywhere in the morning. He didn’t seem to mind. Then I got my hammer repaired (it broke right after I started using it), which cost me 4.000 FG, or $0.80. After that I tore up the screen that the carpenter made for my window, which was atrocious, and built my own screen that is much simpler and lets in more light. It’s pretty rickety, but its not like I’ll be doing much with it other than opening it twice a day to open my window shutter.

I have also bought everything that I necessarily had to, or if I haven’t, I’m going to buy it in Kissidougou when I head there on Tuesday, so the marche was more relaxed, I just had to pick up some food for the day.

Speaking of which, I made myself a simple salad that was fantastic. I haven’t found bleach yet so I washed the stuff in vinegar water, and I hope that does the trick. I also have stuff to make spaghetti if I get hungry again tonight, which I might.

What else? I filtered the honey my counterpart gave me with a bit of screen left over, and so now I have in excess of three liters of honey, and it delicious. Right now I am drinking tea with powdered milk and honey, and it tastes amazing.

While I was making the salad I also made gingam, which is a drink here that is super gingery. Mine doesn’t taste like theirs, but it will still be good when it cools.

I still have a ton of stuff that I want to do, including: get a bookshelf and shelves, a counter, a smaller bed, and get rid of my armoire. Not to mention starting a compost pit and a garden, and cleaning the heck out of my house. But I feel like somehow I’ve crossed a little hurdle and I can continue living while I do other stuff as well.

Having a screen door is pretty much awesome, because the petites can’t just come running in when they want, and I can leave my door open and not feel like a total recluse.

I’m still feeling estranged, but people are being increasingly friendly as they recognize me as more than a complete stranger. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wander around a bit and talk to people instead of just belining places for what I need. Tonight though, I plan on just sitting in my house and enjoying reading The Once and Future King while I sip on my tea.

Day 5

I started off today in a terrible mood. I was up since about three in the morning because a mouse was eating some tubers I’d been given. I got rid of them, so hopefully it won’t make so much noise tonight. Anyway, this left me wanting to just sleep and have Guinea leave me alone for a day, but of course that is impossible, and that made me only more grumpy. I simply stayed inside and read all day until about 16:00, when I made some spaghetti, ate it, and then fixed my door and sat outside with my friend from the Ivory Coast. We just sat and talked, and I tried to explain to him some of how I was feeling, and he told me some of his story, and it was just nice to feel like I was making a friend. The rest of the night wasn’t bad at all. I have a ton of music that I am trying to organize and listen to, so I spent a couple of hours doing that and now I am heading to bed.

But there is more to it than that. Today there was the feeling of being just generally unhappy and uncomfortable with the idea of being here for two years. Its so amazing how much my perceptions can change, but it really can swing from seeming like a really hard two years to seeming like an amazing two years. It will probably be both. And the thing is, whether it will be hard or not seems largely dependent on how much time I spend with people I like. That is probably what makes the beginning of everyones service so difficult, just that you know only a few people and if you aren’t best friends with those people, its hard to go off and find others.

Anyway, I felt really down most of today, but I’m feeling okay as I go to bed, and hopefully I’ll get some good sleep and feel better tomorrow.

Day 6

I am almost out of battery, so this will have to be short. Today I met with APIC, and that went well, but I am all the time becoming more emotionally distraught, and having to struggle harder to leave my house. Sometimes it is only the knowledge that if I don’t leave someone is going to come by an see what I’m up to, and so I leave to head them off. In other words, the difficulty of being here seems to be getting worse rather than easier. I know that as I become comfortable life will be better, but it will still be a two years that will be markedly more difficult than necessary if I had chosen an easier course, and that leaves me a bit put out, though of course it is my own choice and there are many benefits that come with the difficulty.

I have written another post that is full of the deepest darkest self-appraisals that we don’t like to really share with others, and I probably won’t post it, but I feel as if I am coming upon some of my darkest hours in coming to grips with being here, and I don’t expect it to be pretty. The nights are some solace to me though, as I can be assured of being left alone with books and music.

Day 7 and Beyond

This is written a few days after day 7, since I ran out of battery and didn’t get a chance to charge my computer until today. Day 7 I went to Kissidougou and bought a lamp, opened a bank account, and met up with another volunteer. It was a good trip, and though we couldn’t get a taxi back that night and I slept on a concrete floor, it was one of the better sleeps I’ve had, mainly for lack of a rat. On the whole my first week at site concluded fairly well, but for the nagging feeling that I had only been at site six days before I left. I think that each day was progressively harder, something that certainly held true, culminating on Wednesday. I found out that a friend of mine was ETing then, and that sort of broke the dam that was holding back all my own fears that I wouldn’t be strong enough to finish my service, and sadnesses at the people I’ve left behind.

The last few days in particular have been really rough. I have to work up the courage to open my door, and it is with relief that I close it each night. There is usually a period in the afternoon where I sit in my house. On every day I’ve managed to make it outside some, and to converse and even do some work, which helps drastically. But when I am alone in my house what I want is friendship and community and people who are close to me. I want to be able to converse easily and walk places without being called “Tubabu!” But petite a petite I think I am becoming known to people, and though I don’t think I will ever stop standing out, I will at least become slightly less of a curiosity.
Anyway, the difficulty of each day here is like the first few weeks of stage times ten. At least twice I’ve thought to myself that I couldn’t last two years like this, and indeed I don’t think I would be able to. But each time I’ve avoided picking up the phone and calling in to ET. I simply refuse to ET in the first three months, and after that will only do it if I have wanted to leave for an entire week. If that ever happens, I will leave and try not to feel bad.

As it is, instead I am just hoping that things will improve, and they do by all accounts. Its amazing how each day can make three months seem like forever.